When Good People Have Affairs

What makes someone have an affair that destroys so much? You may feel very judgemental but there are many good people who have affairs for very good reasons. Not all affairs will destroy a marriage, for some it is the wake up call they need to address the issues that led to the affair. Whether you are currently having an affair, have had an affair or have been affected by someone else’s affair, this book will help you make sense of it all.

The connection to binge eating

Most binge eaters fight with their past. They have things that have happened to them which haunt their lives. Secrets are kept that they feel totally ashamed of. Many of these secrets are about taboo subjects like their sex lives, love affairs or unplanned pregnancies. Instead of dealing with the effects of the affair, binge eaters use food to suppress these feelings. The trouble is this often turns into a long-term solution which continues for many years.

Two loversPhoto by Jim Linwood

Are you having an affair now?

This book is an excellent source of practical information that will help you to see your life and the role the affair is playing. Rather than telling you to stop the affair, it gently helps you to make decisions about which relationship is right for you. Sometimes this might mean that neither relationship is right. Rather than view the affair from a sense of passion, you are encouraged to look from all angles to see what future you want. As the book unfolds you will begin to understand why your relationship with your spouse is not working, so that you can decide what to do.

Have you had an affair?

Do you want to understand what happened so that you can make peace with your past. Do you feel that you are a bad person because you stepped out of your marital boundaries? This will book will show you what led to the affair, what needs were missing and that good people really do have affairs. Are you ready to let go of the past now?

Have you been affected by an affair?

Are you angry and perplexed about why the affair happened? This book will help you piece together what really happened. Affairs don’t just come out of the blue, they happen because a relationship is not being fulfilled. Both people in the marriage play a part. If you are the spouse perhaps you are ready to look at the part you played?

Orange with a love heartPhoto by Emdot

Main topics covered

  • Getting beyond the guilt
  • 17 different kinds of affairs
  • Choosing who is right
  • Children
  • Breaking up
  • Healing the past
  • Building a new future
  • Divorce

About the author

Mira Kirshenbaum is a world renowned therapist who has treated thousands of men and women touched by an affair. She works at the Chestnut Hill Institute. She is married to Dr Charles Foster who heads the research team at the Chestnut Hill Institute and co writes all her books.

Overall Impression

I would highly recommend this book. Definitely worth reading as there is so much to learn. Provides case histories as well as a step by step approach to help you make different decisions. You don’t need to read any other books on the subject.

Book details

When good people have affairs by Mira Kirshenbaum
St Martin’s Press 2008

ISBN – 13: 978-0-312-37847-9

ISBN – 10: 0-312-37847-5

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